Prescription

Elena Eylül 11, 2022

Like many men, I am a daft bugger when it comes to healthcare. My nasty friend Gordon Gout has been gnawing at my feet for a month now but it was only this morning that I gave in and at last went to see our doctor at the local surgery. As well as arranging for a blood test and a foot X-ray, he prescribed a drug called Colchicine . It was a nice surprise when I stopped off at the local pharmacy to pick up my prescription and discovered I wouldn't have to pay the usual financial contribution because I am now over sixty. God bless the National Health Service!

There was an information leaflet with my little plastic jar of Colchicine pills. It was quite alarming to read a list of possible side effects:-

Lower the sperm count (Hell! I was hoping to repopulate the world after a nuclear wipeout)
Fever (Lovely!)
Sore throat (Nice!)
Rashes or ulcers in mouth and throat (Delightful!)
Skin colouration (But I am happy being a white man!)
Loss of hair (Charming! I don't want to be a monk!)
Inflammation of nerves (Already inflamed by Hull City's injury list)
Muscle weakness (Which muscle?)
Numbness - especially in hands and feet (My brain is already numb!)
No urine production (So where will it go? Don't want to fill up like a space hopper!)
Blood in urine and bruising (Where is this bruising likely to happen? Err..no, don't tell me!)
Kidney damage (That's okay - I've got two - I think)
Bone marrow may become depressed (Sod the bone marrow! After reading this ist of possible side effects, I am already depressed)

Blood test at 11am with the practice nurse then up to the dentist's for 11.45 to meet with Dentist Samantha. A filling came out when I was chewing a toffee on Boxing Day. Job done and now my mouth is numbed - unless that is the Colchicine kicking in! Next job is to go to The Royal Hallamshire Hospital for an X-Ray on my feet. This is my Personal Healthcare Day - all courtesy of our wonderful NHS. More sensible to worship than Allah or Jesus's Dad. At least the NHS is visible and working - in spite of David Cameron and the odious Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt whose name ought to be included in a dictionary of cockney rhyming slang!