Attention, Puny Earthlings!

We come in peace from the planet Phlegmtron-XK.

We will peacefully enslave your planet in the name of Gortex IV, our magnificent ruler and supreme being.

The blogger formerly known as your "Craig D." no longer exists!

Our invasion plans called for his doughy, mis-shapen body to be used as a breeding ground for our incubus. Specifically, his sinus cavities!

He is now a Cyborg consisting of 20% imperfect human and 80% Phlegm.

We expect a bumper crop of Phlegmites from his bloated carcass.

Then, and only then, will our invasion plans become reality and your planet will peacefully become our intergalactic slave colony. Your "Earth" will become our new Snotopia!!!

Need I say that resistance is futile?

No, I need not.